ME time

I am a broken record when it comes to talking about how being a mom changes everything. One thing that I have had to be super committed to maintaining is who I am as an equestrian. Before getting married or having a child that wasn’t something I really had to try to do. I pretty much gave the barn/my horses/riding my all and while it required sacrifices it wasn’t anything compared to now.

Mom might be a new gig for me but that’s not all I am. It was really important to my identity as an individual to keep riding. Crazy horse girl has been who I am for the past 20 years.

When I got pregnant a lot of people assumed that I would sell my horses and that would be that. I have to admit that financially and emotionally that would be a lot easier – if you look at it logically. Being a horse obsessed girl – somehow worse than I was when I was 8 years old and got my first lesson – logic isn’t something that always factors into my horse related decisions.

When we decided to have a kid one thing I was very adamant about was that I would not quit riding for it to happen. I 100% understand that I am very lucky to be in a position to do both. Luck isn’t the only factor though. Riding (and hopefully competing) the way that I want to do it wasn’t “easy” before you add in the tiny dictator. Now I have to be even more determined. I have to want it 10x more than I did before. This applies to pretty much all aspects of life… Not just the horses.

Everything takes extra time, planning, and effort. Most of all help. It takes a literal village to be an equestrian and a mom even semi successfully. A day of volunteering? Sure let me jump judge while nursing the baby. Lesson 2 hours away? Sign me up… but can you hold Bea while you teach me?

I have had to become a lot more efficient about barn time. Sometimes I am hurrying to get home to a hungry baby. Other times I’m riding with a baby monitor in my pocket while she naps in my truck. It’s not as easy as it was before but I wouldn’t change a thing. (Well except maybe being able to find a baby sitter… can’t find good help these days amiright?)

I think the biggest thing is mentally allowing myself to enjoy riding still. I don’t feel guilty about the time I give to the horses. It doesn’t make me a bad mother for doing something for myself. Bea ends up being my side kick more often than not and we make it work! I am very grateful to have friends and family that understand and support me in this decision. Lookin at you Kyle!

With any luck one day Bea and I will be riding together! Until then I’ll keep finding ways to make it work.

If you have kids you know mom guilt is real… But for me I try to keep it out of the barn! How do you make it work?

18 comments

  1. Austen says:

    I think this is great! I see plenty of mom’s doing similar things out here, and honestly everyone seems better for it. There’s a lot to be said for keeping your sanity and passions alive. I bet Bea will appreciate getting to spend all that quality time together as she gets older, too.

    PS. My mom took me with her to nursing school, because she couldn’t find/afford a babysitter all the time. I love her stories of me napping during class. 🙂

    • Equestrian At Hart says:

      Thank you! I see some moms doing it but I also know a lot of people that feel guilty… quit riding. I don’t have judgement bc being a mom is the hardest thing I have done – or started doing? But the mindset that our entire lives have to revolve around our children makes me cringe just a bit. She is my world. But there are other things in it too. I can’t wait for her to be older and truly get the horses. I can only hope she loves it like I do!

      Props to your mom for finding a way to still go to school!

  2. Nicku says:

    Amen to all of it! I make it work just like you do! Staying super flexible while relying on a team that includes my husband, awesome friends, babysitters and VERY accommodating trainers. I ride two to three days a week now instead of 6, compete once or twice a year instead of once a month. I no longer own my own horse, but look forward to doing so in a few years once the kids are in school. What I know for sure is the horses are always there waiting for you and there’s forever something to learn, no matter how much or little you’re involved in this crazy sport. My continued involvement in it definitely makes me a better wife & mom.

  3. Kathryn Richardson says:

    Everything you’ve written is 100% accurate. I was adamant that just because we decided to have a baby, horses didn’t stop. I have been riding since I was three, actually before I was born, my mom rode until she was 8+ months pregnant, so that’s 34 years. If I had given up horses, I would literally cease to be me.
    Being a serious riding mom does require a lot of help and compromise for sure. Having a supportive spouse, family and friends is a must. Things do change, but you adapt. Where normally I’d take my time after my work week rides, now I’m rushing to get home for bath and bed time for Elizabeth. I do the extras on the weekend. Now there’s not a lot of time for the post-show coma, because there’s a little one who missed you and wants your attention.
    Luckily or sadly however you view it, they’re only REALLY little for a short period of time and then they graduate to being your sidekick! I totally understand your need for ME time. Never feel bad about that. I am a firm believer that children should be a big part of your life, but they shouldn’t BE your life. Having time for yourself makes you a better momma 😀

    • Equestrian At Hart says:

      Definitely agree with the kids not being your entire life. She is my world but that doesn’t mean other things cease to exist too.

      And lol! Yeah my poor tack is soooo neglected now. There’s stuff that I used to do regularly that now gets pushed because things had to change to accommodate mom life too.

  4. Karen says:

    Heidi out at my barn also does the monitor thing while her little girl naps in her car (with AC on on hot days obviously). And eventually she set up a play pen on the stage in the indoor and that worked too. All our horses are baby stroller broke as well hahaha! I really admire those who really make it work! But it is possible! And I think so important since it is such a passion of yours. You will set an example for your daughter!

    • Equestrian At Hart says:

      That’s another big thing. I want my daughter to see that you can have passions like this and make it work. I want her to know she can do whatever she wants and to grow into a strong and independent young woman. I hope I can lead by example and that she will also grow to love this crazy passion of mine!

      Pack N Play is up next once she can sit up herself. And it warms up again.

    • Nicku says:

      I apologize CONSTANTLY to my trainers about my day to day, turn out LOL! They’re very sweet and I just tell them I promise to always clean it before embarrassing them in public with my super dirty (albeit high end, at least) tack, ha!

  5. Genny says:

    Amen to it all! If anything having a baby has clarified what i really do want to do. Because it has to be worth it! So glad you have found such a good balance and team 🙂 Mom is just one of 100 parts of us, we have to have honor each of our titles!

  6. Liz says:

    Hell yes! You go, lady. I love that you’re still doing the thing and bringing Bea along. I bet you’re going to be an inseparable dynamic horsey duo one day thanks to all of this one-on-one time in and around horses. How very, very cool.

  7. Tracy says:

    I’m so grateful that you’re sharing this time in your life! There’s a large number of equestrians who never have kids, and it leaves me wondering if it really can work.

    • Equestrian At Hart says:

      Yeah Equestrians seem to be mostly people who never have kids or a lot of people that have kids and stop riding.

      I understand why people do that but if you want it bad enough and have the right support it’s doable to do both. 🙂 Harder. But definitely possible.

  8. Karley says:

    I say where there is a will there is a way… 3 kids has definitely made the way SO much harder but I am thankful for what I get when I get it.

    You go girl, you got this and I’m excited to see you smash your goals!

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